The standard way of thinking about texting is that it’s a quick and convenient way to communicate, and therefore build and strengthen relationships. This is not true. Text messaging is actually weakening relationships. Many people today own cell phones. Many people have text messaging on their cell phones. There is a lot of appeal to texting. It’s a way to tell someone a quick message. It can be used to communicate with someone when they’re not available to talk. Many use texting to build and maintain relationships. This can be very dangerous. Unstable and volatile relationships are formed with text messaging. We need to make sure text messaging doesn’t replace phone calls and face-to-face interactions.
Not all texting is bad for relationships. Texting is a wonderful invention that can be used to benefit people when it’s used correctly. It’s a good way to keep in touch with friends and family, but it shouldn’t be the sole form of communication. My parents often have to tell me things while I’m in school. They might need me to pick up my little brother or stop by the store after school. I’m not allowed to talk on the phone or text during school, but I can look at my phone when the bell rings. This way they don’t have to try and time calling me perfectly. I’ll know what they want me to do before I ever leave the school. Talking face-to-face or even over the phone is a great way to strengthen relationships. Saying something with your own voice is much more sincere and will mean more to the person that’s being communicating with.
Another good thing about texting is that it can ease loneliness. In a study done by Wei and Lo they found that people who had a lack of using cell phone communication were lonelier. They said that lonely people have a hard time making connections and cell phone use makes it easier for them (Jin). Text messaging is an easy way to relieve loneliness. It should still be used with care and not excessively. Texting connections can’t replace face-to-face relationships. Face-to-face communication can alleviate loneliness much quicker and effectively than texting.
Not everyone uses texting to try and build and maintain relationships. In a survey done by Cheryl Coyle, forty-one percent of college kids use texting to keep in touch with friends. Seventeen percent use it because it’s fun or entertaining (Coyle 15). When used in moderation texting can be very beneficial in these areas.
Although there are some benefits of using texting in relationships, the disadvantages easily outweigh the good. Texting makes it easy to say anything you want without very many consequences. In a survey I conducted I found out that 40% of teenagers would say things in a text that they would never say to someone face-to-face (Buckner). I found this shocking but I also understand it. It’s much easier to say something when you can’t see the reaction of the other person. Sam Nashag, a marine stationed in San Diego
Texting can be very misleading. It’s easy to feel like someone really cares for you just because they text you. This happened to a good friend of mine. She was texting a boy who she thought genuinely liked her. It was easy to see why she felt like this. He would always text her romantic and flirty messages. They went to the same school but didn’t talk much in person. When she found out that the boy actually had a girlfriend, she was shocked. She felt like he had cheated her and his girlfriend. Even though she was hurt and confused by this, she still really liked the boy. She confronted the boy (through a text, of course) about it. He texted her lots of things that seemed to justify what he was doing. Because of text messaging my friend still likes this boy, even though he has a girlfriend.
Although it is easier to ask a girl on a date through a text, it might not be the best way. In an interview I did Marissa Lundeen told me a story of when this happened to her. A boy that she was interested in texted her and asked her if she’d like to go to lunch with him the next day. She wasn’t sure if this was an actual date or if the boy just wanted to hang out with her as friends. He didn’t call her and she was too embarrassed to ask over a text. When he came and picked her up he didn’t come to door. Instead, he sent her a quick text saying, “I’m here.” She felt like he didn’t care about her enough to even come to the door. It also caused her to lose a lot of respect for that boy. She went with him anyway and found out it wasn’t a date when he paid for his food before she had the chance to order (Buckner). A lot of confusion and hurt could have been avoided if phone calls had replaced the texts in this situation. These kinds of situations can definitely damage or even ruin relationships.
There are many cases where things like this have happened. Etiquette expert Ceri Marsh said, “It’s a pretty bad sign if the person pursuing you can’t be bothered to pick up the phone and ask you out. The person is showing you they’re not really ready to get involved” (Pressner 3). This is a very good point. If someone really cares about you they’ll take the effort to show you. We shouldn’t settle for people who center their lives around texting.
There are many people who use texting to fight and argue. This can be degrading to relationships and individuals. It’s easy to say hurtful things through texts. Garth Mintun, a psychotherapist, deals with couples who use texting to fight all the time. He talks about how hurtful people can be with cyber stalking. Many people will act irrationally when they are angry. They will send the same text multiple times trying to get the other person to respond. This kind of behavior can cause physical violence when the two people meet up. He also says that misunderstandings are very common in texting arguments, because of the lack of verbal and nonverbal cues. The texts real meaning is left to imagination and interpretation. Garth Mintun advises his clients to only text when it is logistics. Examples are if one is running late, or if they’re unable to run an errand. He believes that this will eliminate many fights and arguments (Mintun). This is very true. I believe many of the arguments I’ve had could have been avoided if it hadn’t been for text messaging. It’s hard for people to explain exactly what they’re trying to say through texts. Texts that are meant to be kind or encouraging can easily be taken as rude or sarcastic. Body language plays a big role in communication and it’s impossible to show body language through words. There are times when people “cannot” stop fighting through texting. Garth Mintun claims that they have to stop. He said, “When two parties argue face to face, they see each other’s body language, intonations and can better know how their words are affecting the other. The couple can ask each other for clarification in real human time in front of each other” (Mintun 2). I strongly agree with this. People who can’t stop texting and arguing should try to get rid of their texting plan altogether. It will be much less of a temptation if it’s not even available.
Arguing through texts isn’t the only thing people claim they “cannot” stop doing. Texting in general can be very addictive as well. It is a simple and easy way to help make yourself feel important and cared for. It takes very little effort and the gratification can be almost instant. This is alright if it only happens once in a while. Talking with someone face-to-face or even over the phone is a much more satisfying way to feel important and cared for. It’s much more sincere taken less lightly.
Texting is a bad way to form romantic relationships. These kinds of relationships need a more concrete base to survive and flourish. Andrew Bellaflores, a reporter for a small newspaper, believes that constant texting between significant others is not how it’s supposed to work. He says that people do this to satisfy a need to feel connected at all times. He says that personal space no longer exists in relationships because of texting. People often feel threatened by this and may begin to see their partner as obsessive (Bellaflores). It is useful to be able to get in contact with your partner at all times, but it can easily become too much. Texting makes it easy to cross the line of being caring or obsessive.
Occasional flirting in a text message is absolutely fine, but it cannot become your only form of flirting. Eighty percent of the teenagers I surveyed claim to flirt through texting (Buckner). If texting is the only time you and your significant other flirt, then your relationships could be in trouble. The reason for this could be that you and your partner aren’t comfortable with each other face-to-face because you’re relationship has been solely based on text messaging. Anyone who feels like this should work on spending more quality time with each other. A trend that is becoming popular today is ending relationships through text messaging. This is a very easy way to tell someone that they no longer want to be with them, but it’s also a very shallow way. Relationships that end like this are generally not very stable or concrete in the first place. Breaking up with someone through a text isn’t the norm in today’s society yet, but it is occurring more and more often.
Another trend in our culture that may be even worse than breaking up through a text is telling someone that you love them for the first time in a text message. Amanda Pressner, a reporter for USA Today, tells a story of a young girl in college named Rachel. She was about to go home from school when she got a text. The text was from her boyfriend. He told her that he loved her for the first time. Of course Rachel was excited about this at first, but as she started to think about it she felt like she got cheated (Pressner). There are multiple stories that are very similar to Rachel’s out there. It’s much easier to say things like this in texts because it won’t be as embarrassing if the partner doesn’t return the feeling. Saying “I love you” in a text is a great way to remind your significant other how you feel about them. It shouldn’t be used if the words have never been spoken aloud.
Texting is also making people rude and ignorant. A couple of months ago I was at a church activity. I was just sitting there and talking with one of my leaders. One of my good friends came with one of her other friends. Nobody knew who the girl was because she was from a different city than us. My leader wanted to be friendly and get to know the girl so she started asking her name. She asked her what her name was, where she was from, what school she goes to, etc. The girl told my leader her name and then became very distracted. She had gotten a text message. Of course, the text had to be answered right away, so she whipped her phone out and might as well have left the building. My friend, who had brought her, had to answer all the questions for her. I was very embarrassed for this girl and I could tell my leader was a little offended as well. My leader acted like nothing strange was happening because she’s a good person and didn’t want to embarrass the rude girl.
Things like this are happening all the time. People think their text message is the most important thing in the world. When you’re with someone, you should be with that person. The text message can always wait. If it can’t, then that might be a sign of cyber stalking. I realize that there may sometimes be emergencies, but if they’re that important they shouldn’t be communicated through a text. I know people that claim they can listen and talk while still texting. This may be partially true, but it’s hard to really be caring and be a good friend when so much thought and energy is being focused into a text. I hate talking to my friends while they’re texting. I know that they only hear half the things I’m saying, and it drives me crazy. I know this from experience. I’m not completely innocent from trying to talk face-to-face and have a text conversation. It’s very hard to catch everything being said.
Have you ever been in a situation when two people are trying to talk at the same time? There are two options, either ignore one person and focus on the other, or try to catch bits and pieces from both conversations. Our brains can’t fully comprehend two conversations at once. This is the same as in texting. People need to decide what conversation is more important at the time, and focus on that. I’ve often had my feelings hurt when I’m trying to tell someone something that is important to me and they only understand half of what I’m saying because they are texting. It’s not only made me sad but it’s also made me not want to hang around or talk to that person anymore.
Texting is degrading our society’s use of common courtesy. It’s rude to get asked out, broken up with, or told to come outside through a text message. People are becoming very lazy. It isn’t that difficult to dial a number and wait for an answer. The gesture will seem much more sincere, and the relationship can become stronger because of it.
Cell phones have made our world a very small place. It’s much easier to meet new people. People also use this to interact with people they’ve never met face-to-face. In the survey I conducted I found that 78% of teenagers had met someone through a form of technology before ever meeting them face to face. Instead of talking about the physical dangers of this, I’m going to talk about the emotional dangers. It’s easy to act like somebody else through a cell phone. This can cause misunderstandings and false feelings. It can also lead to cyber stalking. Cyber stalking is usually physically harmless, but it can be very degrading to an individual. It can be frightening and cause trust issues. The person being stalked may find it harder to form trusting relationships down the road. They may always live in fear of being cyber stalked.
There are other dangers to meeting people through texting besides being stalked. Many people may develop feelings through texts, but they are often disappointed when they actually meet the person. They will often find out that they didn’t have a real connection. Texting first can also lead to a lot of awkwardness. This has happened to me before. One day I was at my friend’s house and she told me I should text this guy she knew. I started texting him and decided that I had a crush on him. We would text all the time and occasionally speak on the phone. He was from the Salt Lake
Text messaging makes communicating with anyone much less intimidating. This can make it harder to carry on a normal conversation with someone. I know that I have been directly affected in this way. Text messaging has made it very difficult for me to talk to strangers on the phone. I often make my friends make phone calls for me because it frightens me too much. I think this is a direct result of texting more than talking. I believe that practice will help me a lot to progress.
Texting can also make it hard for some people to carry on intelligent conversations. If you’re texting so much your brain will start to think in text language, and then you’ll start talking like that in your everyday conversations. It might seem fun and cute, but talking like this to older adults especially will make you seem unintelligent.
No one should ever talk like this while they are in a job interview. Employers want employees that are smart and can have meaningful conversations. There are many people out there who don’t text and it will be very hard for them to understand what you’re trying to say if you’re speaking in text language. “LOL,” “BRB,” and “TTYL” are not examples of good and proper English. These can also easily be misinterpreted. For a very long time my dad thought that “LOL” stood for “lots of love” instead of “laugh out loud.” This made our texting conversations very confusing.
Many employers are using text messaging to communicate information to their employees. My own boss does this regularly. He will tell us sale prices, when our checks are ready, and he will often give us specific instructions through texts. I think this is a useful tool except when giving instructions. There have been many times when I have misunderstood a text and didn’t follow directions correctly. This has often cause strain and tension between my boss’s and my relationship.
It is easy to tell what emotions my friends are trying to convey when I’m with them and can see them. When they are happy or excited they will be smiling, laughing, their tone of voice will be higher, and they will talk faster. When they are sad it’s just the opposite. I’m rarely ever confused when I’m having a face-to-face conversation. In text messages I can’t tell if they’re smiling or laughing. I don’t know if their tone of voice is high or low. Easily avoided argument can happen because of this.
Everyone should be concerned about this, even the people who’ve never text messaged in their lives. Our society is based on relationships and families. In order for it to function healthily, those relationships need to be strong. If they are weak our whole way of life could crumble. Text messaging is not a healthy way to begin, maintain, or end relationships. There are some helpful uses of text messaging, but these are outweighed by the damaging effects. We need to spend more time communicating face-to-face or over the phone. This will greatly improve our romantic, friendly, and even business relationships. Communication isn’t just words. A large part of it is body language and tone of voice. These are very important factors in communicating clearly and effectively.
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